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SatisfiedAmbition
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Name: Ward
Metro:
Interests: you
Expertise: in finding those things that feed desires without ever approaching satisfying them.
in loving and being loved without realization.
in forming emotional drivel in english.
in being a poor friend.
in mediocrity.
in scales, mirrors, and those indifferent clocks.
in being apathetic.
in caring far too much.
Message: message meEmail: email me
Website: visit my website
AIM:  jdoe633
Member Since:
11/18/2004
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| fill me up with sound
every night's drive is equally as lonely as the last 10 years
and i was promised a fortune in return for time served in a tiny room
being the target of tiny ideas and tiny wounds
but somehwere along the way my brother's have outfoxed me
and now i've nothing to hold on to but my best friend
but what have I ever had but friends?
was anything else really worth anything?
college is a poorly worded joke,
there's nothing to this peace, change, and hope
fashion yourself a plow, then with it rob your neighbor
if those six days were a picture of what I'm supposed to quit,
and the seventh is a portrait of where I'm meant to be
well, I'd give anything for your weekend,
for my piece of that promised land
a picket fence and some porch life
a smaller version of myself, or two
a decent job, a decent roof
but i'm so fucking literal
there's nothing new about that
you probably want me divorced from my surroundings
but this is all that i have ever known
and this fight is all i've ever known of you,
this Iraq inside my ribs
and waiting for something i no longer expect
should ease the pain of the current wave
of insecurity
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| the dynamic of what i can touch and what i cannot
the distance that defines what is within my reach and what floats silent just beyond my fingertips
the highest floor unlisted on elevator doors
i can see what the remaining four senses cannot capture
i can sense what my faculties cannot or will not perceive or create
my fancy has played
beyond where my bones have caged
me here
among all the sundry names
carved in stone on graves
"i am but a spectator in this mosoleum!"
my swollen epitaph screams
but are my drives and forces and rages
so much dinosaur bones upon museum pages
and does my spirit weave, drunken amidst her halls?
do my wails echo, echo, echo, echo...as the rose that falls
in the street to be trampled?
she is still and unsampled
her smell sweet but wasted
or saved
picked from a field no man has tasted
or raved
mad for me
mad for you
mad for crowds upended in blue
"sky's for the taking"
we chanted along
to the words of every last anthemic song
in protest we marched
aimed straight for our hearts
it was God that we missed, love.
and in missing decided
to supplant all of our real desires
for half loves and quarter ones,
and loves with no fire.
there is something of snowfall that makes everything new
it plays on passions of me and of you
to be new, love, to be new!
O what emptiness is this world where we lose
our spirits for our lives or the other way 'round
it is me that i've lost and you that i've found
and despite all the movies and the way it must sound
i do wish i had planted my white flag in ground
instead of setting it aflame that night
just directly the moment after its flight
surrender is so dreadfully temporary when i am the principal.
there's a bastard in us all and mice in the wall
both clatter and rattle and hammer and claw
but you have said Righteous
you have said clean
you have said so many marvelous things
you have said strong
beloved, faithful, and friend
i am left speechless and that is the end.
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| I'M DONE SURRENDERING TO THE MAN I AM.
The man you want to make me is getting up off his knees, his eyes are red and that's all that he sees,
he's been too long cowering cornered too tame and bordered, listless and still with no steps to be ordered,
but this is motion, forced if it has to be, this place with its bars have ceased holding for me,
cell doors swing open on less than oiled hinges, i'm done with puritanical after-dark binges,
too tired on my own two feet to stand, I'm done surrendering to the man I am.
We've been buying their lies from under the table, where its far too dark to expect what we're able,
of escape, and more, of revolution even, if rebellion's what it takes, then it's rebellion in season,
You're a hunted Dove above a dim city street, not cooing but roaring, "get off your knees, come on stand on your feet!"
"throw free the chains that I have already cut, dear child of mercy, I was there when you thought,'
I absolutely cannot do this again,'" I'm done surrendering to the man that I am.
"Oh, yes, there'll be blood," I heard Him say as He eased, His sword from His side where it hung deadly and sheathed,
"They won't know what hit 'em, kid," resigned as He said it, and the whole business was over in a Hollywood minute,
Rivers, canyons, valleys, deserts full of the stuff, "I tried," He said, "but they just couldn't get enough,"
I cried out, "There, but for the grace I'd stand," I'm done surrendering to the man that I am.
In worhsip of others i would cut myself open, the body You made, the plan that You'd spoken,
Everything I'd seen, and nothing I'd felt, You saw me naked in blood, and insane cared to help,
The crux of it's this: though no razor I hold, I'm still in imagined bonds and my chains of old,
What is it about You that's so hard to believe in? It's love, something I can't even conceive of,
But this is it as best I know how, I believe in you, Father, and I hate running out,
Make one more broken-legged fool to stand, I'm done surrendering to the man that I am.
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| broken cellos, busted violins, and the cymbals are bent to the shape of hands that don't clap; and i refuse to be weakened by the beating that threatens to tear these stitches from the _____, mind and soul chasing the _____ that's escaped two thousand and six times one thousand twenty seven ford roadster tearing up the road, the city we left burning in the rearview. "the lot of them are going down, sugar, it's today or never" calm, my dear, your eyes. they're roving and i know what it is to roam,
but last time, but the last time. not now, not yet. i will believe i will believe i will. "your skin's turning green again" oh my _____. between it and the windows someething will happen - love. there will be light here, there will be, there will.
forsake the soul of the matter for the _____ of the problem, its not your love that's trapped but you, and nothing you can play on that thing will make the least difference to anyone, least of all yourself. shutters open and close showing the scene but missing the story and that's the story.
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| new song on myspace ^_^ and i'm happy about it.
maybe i like it because its like 4 am but i like it anyway.
if anyone went and listened to it, and said something about it that would be the height of cool, and i would be in your debt.
but its bedtime now.
i could bleed it from my hands, but you did.
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